If you read this entry, then you are a sincere and hopeful friend after my long absence here! I have been wondering during this time the usefulness of continuing this blog. It had seemed like what had been a motivation to me to stay focused had become something I was dreading. As I don't need any help in the area of feeling obligated, I took a break to figure out if this blog is helpful to me. So, I am still not sure, but today I feel motivated to post. I'll just see where it goes from here.
Part of my motivation to post is perhaps that I have been trying to be cognizant of my eating, that I have regained weight over the last months, and as I stepped on the scale this morning (after three weeks being afraid to) I found that I have actually lost 8 pounds. Never in my life have I stepped on the scale and had such an unexpected loss. Not that I haven't been trying, but I haven't been weighing, so I didn't expect that anything was happening. I don't quite know what to make of it, but I am encouraged. This puts me at 220 instead of 228. Still more than I wish I were. But, encouraging nonetheless. I'd like to continue and I am journaling my eating again. I am not sure what I will put down here. I think I'll just feel that out.
I do wonder if it would be good for me to weigh less during this process--keep focused on behaviors and less on the scale. I don't know. I also wonder if I'll feel healthier if I drop another 20 pounds. I have been sick so much the last two months. I'd like to have more clarity and focus and losing weight seems to go hand in hand with that for me. They seem part of the same positive cycle.
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